He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
