i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
