There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
