Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is the high leading the old right now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
