tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
