Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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