Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
