Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Everclear isn't food dammit
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize