Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
