We won't sleep together?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize