i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
