So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
