seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
