i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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