Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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