you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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