tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
