the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
