i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
