You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize