She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
