YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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