No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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