i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
