Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
