I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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