I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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