The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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