next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
