Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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