Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
