Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
