I booty called her while she was in labor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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