hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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