Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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