she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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