There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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