Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no you cant smoke seaweed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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