We won't sleep together?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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