im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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