I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
