these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
