wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
