I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
