Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
