Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
