I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Can i not drive my cunt home
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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