finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
