Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
