thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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