Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
