i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
