i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
