Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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