She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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