Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
