YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
