I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
