Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
