It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
