Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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