So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
