whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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