I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am one with the molecules
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
