im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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