YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
