Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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