Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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