anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
