what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
